Bears Blitz

Published by Scott Ottersen on November 16, 2009
Article Source: Bleacher Report - Chicago Bears

1. They suck!

2. They have two of the fastest wide receivers in the NFL, but never throw the ball deep.

3. Ron Turner still has a job despite No. 2.

4. They’re 4-5 after playing teams that are a combined 38-42.

5. The remainder of their opponents are 32-30 (helped out, greatly, by Minnesota). Still…if they can’t beat bad teams, why on earth would they be able to beat halfway decent teams?

6. They are four games out of first in the NFC North.

7. There are eight teams with better records than them in the NFC, and two with the same. Only six teams make the playoffs and I can’t make a legitimate argument that says they are better than any of those 10 teams.

8. Ron Turner still has the job as offensive coordinator.

9. Jay Cutler has thrown 17 interceptions through nine games. He’s on pace for 30.

10. Matt Forte averages fewer than three yards per rush for an entire game almost as often as he averages more than three yards per rush (four games under 3.0, five over).

11. They lost their last game 10-6, which became the second most boring game this season, just narrowly beating out the 6-3 debacle that was the Cleveland Browns against the Buffalo Bills.

12. Wait, I think Jay Cutler just threw another interception.

13. Before the season started, the entire city was buzzing and the fans had such high hopes to have a winning team that might make its way back into the playoffs. Now, it looks as if we will be lucky to be a .500 team.

14. Every time I watch the games, I remind myself that the Bears don’t have a first- or second-round draft pick next year to help fill all the holes they have on the team.

15. The Bears traded that second-round draft pick for Gaines Adams, a player who has played, sparingly, in only one of his five games with the Bears, accumulating two tackles.

16. The New England Patriots acquired Randy Moss for a fourth round draft pick a few years back. He is a Pro-Bowl wide receiver and a surefire Hall of Famer. Gaines Adams has 13.5 sacks in his two-plus year career. What does it say about their front office that they get suckered into giving away a second-round draft pick for a young guy who hasn’t even proven himself to be a reliable pass rusher yet?

17. No matter what is going on in the game, I will always assume the Bears defense will give up a big play. And, they usually do.

18. I get pissed off whenever I see Jay Cutler on the sideline acting like nothing is going on in his life. I’m not sure I’ll ever have complete faith in him.

19. Devin Hester is not returning kicks anymore. I can’t imagine that him returning kicks would take away too much from him learning the receiver position.

20. Lovie Smith calling the defensive plays has been a mistake. Maybe you would want to call something that can get someone close to putting pressure on the quarterback?

21. I feel as if the Bears keep waiting for the weather to turn, as if that is going to be the turning point of their season. Yeah, because no other team is used to playing in cold weather at this point.

22. Take away our two 30-plus point games this season, and our offense is scoring 15.4 points per game.

23. Take away our two 10-or-less points scored against games, and our defense is giving up 26.4 points per game.

24. Neither of those numbers add up to a watchable team.

25. Did I mention that Ron Turner still is an NFL offensive coordinator?

26. Adewale Ogunleye has five sacks. Alex Brown has four. Nobody else on the team has more than one. If the offense wasn’t so bad, I would say that, maybe, I would DVR the games and fast forward through the defensive series and watch the offensive, but that would be, well, offensive.

27. Danieal Manning is one tackle behind Lance Briggs for tops on the team. We all know what it means when a teams safety is (almost) leading the way in tackles.

28. None of our players are dating Hollywood celebrities, so we can’t even get a cameo appearance by a sexy starlet the way some other teams do.

29. Not only that, but we don’t even have cheerleaders. We can’t even get the obligatory cheerleader cleavage shot going to and coming back from commercials.

30. Hold on a minute, I just picked off Jay Cutler and ran it back for a touchdown while he was just laying on the ground, sulking, with his face mask stuck in the grass. I need to catch my breath.

31. Our wide receivers have made strides in becoming an average NFL receiving corps, but they still have a long way to go. With all the playmaking abilities they should have, they sure don’t make a lot of big plays. It’s saying something when Jay Cutler was all world outside of the pocket the past couple years and then comes to Chicago and all of the sudden can’t find an open receiver once he leaves the pocket (or when he stays in the pocket, for that matter). Devin Hester, Earl Bennett, and Johnny Knox are no Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal.

32. The most positive statement the media and fans can come up with regarding our team is that we still have seven games to go.

33. Too bad that statement can also be used as the most negative.

34. The Bears are minus-five in turnovers this season. I can’t remember a time (without looking it up) when the Bears were on the other end of the turnover spectrum. That was the way they used to win games.

35. In the spirit of the number 50, the Bears just got beat by the team whose coach wore the most famous of 50s in Bears history, Mike Singletary.

36. It has been a pain to find something positive to write about, so if I didn’t watch at all, maybe I wouldn’t struggle so much.

37. I’d be able to sleep better at night not being so upset about my favorite team’s inability to put together a full, four-quarter, well-thought-out game plan.

38. I’d also be able to sleep better next week and the Monday after Christmas, considering those are both night games, and I wouldn’t have to stay up to watch them.

39. If only looking toward next week’s game against Philadelphia, consider this a warning: Cutler’s worst performances have all come in night games—Green Bay in Week One (four INTs), Atlanta in Week Six (two INTs), and San Francisco this past Thursday (five INTs). In case you haven’t heard, it’s Bears-Eagles, Sunday night football.

40. Our backup quarterback is Caleb Hanie. If things keep going the way they are, he could see playing time. Some people are looking forward to this. This is No. 40 on my list of reasons not to watch. If you cannot tell, I’m not looking forward to that happening.

41. I’m not a Kyle Orton fan, but it stings a little to see his team having success this season compared to the un-success the Bears are having.

42. I’m not sure what to make of this stat, but the Bears have four first-round draft picks and two second-round draft picks among their starting 11 on offense. And, one first-round draft pick and two second-round draft picks on the defensive side. For some reason, this fact angers me.

43. The Chicago Bears do not allow fans to stay in the parking lots during the game. With the team putting together such craptacular performances, they should be happy that fans show up at all and pay their overpriced ways into the stadium.

44. Sometimes I feel like I’m bad luck. Perhaps, if I stop watching, the Bears will start winning. If I decide not to watch, I will let you know how that goes for the Bears.

45. Ok, I know, I know, but I still can’t believe Ron Turner has not been fired as offensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears.

46. The Bears executives are such tightwads that you know they are not willing to pay top dollar for pricey free agents, therefore making it impossible to better our team. And, seeing as how they can’t draft properly, it might be a long while before the Chicago Bears return to winning ways.

47. Not only is Kyle Orton having success, but Cedric Benson has become legit once again. I was never keen on letting him go. If they could have let Tank Johnson slip and then come back, why not Benson? It is unsettling to see him have success.

48. Jay Cutler has thrown five interceptions in the red zone this season. That is an insanely high number, considering no quarterbacks even threw that many all of last season. Those are easy points taken off the board. There’s nothing more frustrating than watching your favorite team march their way down the field only to watch the quarterback make a dumb decision and give the other team the ball back when your team is just about to put up some points.

49. So far, the best highlight of the Bears season was watching Jarron Gilbert jump out of a pool and land on his feet. I guess he doesn’t have the athletic ability to even see playing time.

50. If any fan can come up with 50 reasons why not to watch your team play, you know you are doing something wrong. Stop sitting around and collecting money and do something about making the Bears a winning football team.

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